5 SIGNS YOU ARE DEALING WITH A TOXIC PERSON

We all may have toxic relationships but don’t realize it. These five things can help you know for sure.

By David Simonsen

We are all aware of people who focus more on negative things than positive. Sometimes these people are so toxic that it’s best to avoid them.

I recently had a conversation with a family member where they pointed out three things I had done to hurt them. I explained why those things happened and tried to make things right. Since I believed we were having a productive conversation, I pointed out some things that I had noticed as well. That’s where the actual conversation ended.

What happened next was a bit shocking. Threats of ending the relationship … accusations … and assumptions and, most importantly, nothing to make the relationship better. I came away from the exchange realizing I needed a better plan for interacting with this person, and people like them, in the future. I had unwittingly fallen into a trap.

This type of behavior can be changed, but only if the person wants to change. We will not be able to convince them that how they are acting is not the way to win friends. Knowing what to look for when you interact with this type of person is important. There are five things to pay attention to to know if this is someone you need to be wary of.

1. They threaten

These threats don’t take the form of anything physical. They take the form of cutting off relationships. If you don’t do what this person wants or you don’t correctly interact with them, they let you know that you are risking losing relationships over whatever it is you are talking about. In reality, they need you in their lives. Toxic people have few friends. After the incident that emotionally affected you, they generally will act as if nothing has happened until the next incident you have with them.

2. They ignore

During your conversation with this person, you bring up valid issues that need to be dealt with. They simply don’t acknowledge them and go back to their arguments. They will often also bring up issues from the past that have nothing to do with the present issue.

3. They assume

This shows up when they simply believe that no matter what you say, you are wrong. They believe other people and not you. A simple explanation about why you did something doesn’t suffice. You are wrong no matter what you say.

4. They don’t apologize

When you point out something they have done, they neither take ownership of it nor apologize. You need to move forward. If you are waiting for an apology, then you will keep waiting. It will be smart to move forward without expecting an apology that will never come.

5. They prioritize their feelings over actual truth

The phrase you may hear over and over is “That’s how I feel” when you interact with a toxic person. There is the truth about the issue, and then there is how one feels about the issue. Recognizing the truth of something is not as important to them as getting out how they feel.

What you will find as you begin to pay more attention to difficult relationships is that you most likely are in a relationship with a toxic person. Knowing is half the battle.